Saturday, March 15, 2008

Invisible ME doll!!

You know how a bunch of times in your life you have had these really killer ideas? Just revelatory shit that could have made you a millionaire or changed the world for the better? Or at least forever? (Like my dad thought of the computer mouse way back when the first Apples were publicly available.) But you were too busy getting stoned or too broke/lazy to navigate the impossibly pricey and lengthy patent process? Or you never went to med school so the type of research you wanted to do might be misconstrued as "serial killing" or "mutilating corpses" and you couldn't get ahold of the Raelians no matter how hard you tried (Claude, dude, it's just ME!). Er...

Anyway, a very long time ago I had this freakish revelation that although I had lived with the same innards my whole life, I had never seen them. What does my heart, MY heart, not a general heart, not the frozen cut in half old dude's heart from the textbook, but my own heart look like? Do I have any weird anatomy? I think I should be allowed to monitor my liver as a preventative health thing anyway. I have pics of one measly ovary and my now disembodied uterus (FU uterus!...thanks for growing the babies but that other shit was torture!), but that's it.

(Guess which one this is! First right answer that sends me your snail mail address gets a very special expanding "magic towel" of the planet Uranus. Seriously.)

I dreamed of inventing a medication of some sort that would temporarily, or what the heck maybe even permanently render skin translucent enough to see through. The ultimate ANTI-TAN!! So Goth! It would be neat to display your inner junk in a belly shirt (Hey! Nice pancreas!) And it sure would cut down on exploratory surgeries and X-rays and expensive scary stuff like that. So, how far did I get in my experiments to develop this wonder chemical? Well, I tried that Michael Jackson skin bleach on a spot for awhile. No dice. That's about it. (They laughed at me at the university. Really. Mostly when I told them I was only gonna take philosophy/religion classes, but no math.)

Thank goodness some "real" "credentialed" scientists have gotten on this. I guess their way to see a panoramic view of the organs is probably a lot more technologically sexy. Probed....heh.

No comments: